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How to Keep Your Temper at Work (And Everywhere Else)

People are constantly trying to deal with their anger. There are many different ways to control your emotions when it comes to anger. Mark Maraia, a relationship development coach and trainer who works with people, has his own technique to deal with anger that he believes could help many people manage their anger:

I’ve learned a thought process for dealing with negative emotions that I have practiced for more than 20 years. Anyone can use this tool to deal with negative emotions “in the moment” and later if the negative feeling resurfaces. This is a process of rejecting the negative emotion and it actually interrupts this “doom loop.” Rejecting negative emotions can be used in many situations, both personal and business, in the moment — without anyone knowing you’re doing it!”

Here’s how it works. The next time you are overcome with a negative emotion, ask yourself this question: “What am I feeling at this moment?” Get in touch with the feeling or emotion first. Once you’ve done that, make a silent declaration to yourself that you don’t want it anymore! For instance, when someone dangerously cuts you off on the freeway, your thought might be: “I do not want this anger” (or “rage,” if it’s that bad).

Then, replace the feeling with a constructive thought. In this way you make a conscious choice to have a positive state of mind. Your thought might be: “I do not want this anger. I choose to be at peace instead.”

This new skill will take practice. It will probably feel awkward at first. But with enough practice it will become a habit and you will find yourself working through negative emotions in minutes or hours rather than obsessing for days, weeks, or years!

Readers – Do you have difficulties releasing negative emotions? If so, please try this thought process and send your comments on how it works for you! If you would like to ask Mark a question, he can be reached at mark@markmaraia.com.

Read the full article by Marshall Goldsmith at Harvard Business Review

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